A Word

23 March 2004
This was the best birthday ever! I am finally one year away from being an adult, and now I can go watch those R rated movies with my new boyfriend. That was my favorite part of the whole day. Chris came over for the family birthday dinner and he had some surprises for me. He made me a bear that is dressed up in a tux, he brought me flowers, colorful daisies, and the best of it all was when he asked me to be his girlfriend while we were out under the stars. Of course the only thing to do was to accept with the seal a kiss. I just know we are going to last a lifetime and live happily ever after.
20 July 2004
Chris called me today. I tried to act like I haven’t thought about him sense that night back in April, but I am pretty sure he could tell I was lying. He said he was sorry and that he wanted to go out sometime to catch up. I want so badly for him to be telling the truth but I cannot help but think it is another lie. I wish I could be really mad at him and just tell him off; I know that it is a blessing that I lack the urge to do that though. I was devastated when he told me he had been cheating. Did he ever even like me in the first place, or was I just a cover up, a back-up plan? It does not matter now, what has happened happened and I need to move on. What if it truly was a mistake though and he is truly sorry; we can work through it. Things will be different this time.
1 August 2004
Chris took me to a Saints game tonight, and it was so much fun! In the middle of the third we made a touchdown and he kissed me. It was strange at first because it has been so long, but it was nice to have him in my arms again. I knew everything was going to work out. I know he leaves for college in a week, but he is not going very far away. We are going to have our happily ever after after all.
10 December 2004
Still no word from Chris, and I really thought this time would be different; he was the one. We had talked about going to school together and getting married. We were going to have kids and grow old together. Why did I ever believe him?
23 August 2005
Dad has never been one for storms, so I cannot help but wonder why we live here in Louisiana. I know it has to do with his job but seeing him get worked up every time it starts to rain just adds to my stress level. Does he not realize that I have bigger problems in my life than the weather? I have school and work. I have the dogs to take care of, I have to taxi Sommer around, and then there is Chris. I do not see much of Chris these days which is a good thing, but I cannot help but miss him deep down. Either way I wish my dad would find another job. A job where the sun always shines and there is not a cloud in sight. Maybe the Sahara Dessert would be better.
25 August 2005
Chris called. I did not think I was ever going to hear from him again, so this came as kind of an unpleasant surprise. He sounded like Dad, acting as if this storm was going to be so much worse than anything else we have endured. Why does it matter what happens to me anyways; he does not care. I nicely informed him that he meant nothing to me and to just leave me and my family alone. I said that we would be perfectly fine and not to act like he cared. I am not sure but it sounded like he started to cry. He probably just had a cold. Anyways, he said he had something to give to me, but I told him I did not want it. He did not listen though. He came by the house and gave a letter to my dad for me. I have not read it, and I do not want to. I think I might just leave it outside to blow away with this “horrible storm” that Chris and his family are running away from.
30 August 2005
I cannot watch the television any longer, because it just puts me in tears. I know I said I did not like living there, but the truth is that is our home. It scares me to think about my friends and everyone that we know. I wonder if they took the warning and left or if they had the same thought process as me and saw leaving as pointless. I am glad Dad is not a storm person; if he thought any differently we might be amongst the rubbish that is all under water in our little one story home. The only person that I knew for sure was safe was Chris; there was some comfort in that. I know I told him I did not care but it was a lie. I love him no matter what he does, and I know that God has given me the love for him for a reason.
27 August 2006
We came back to our home today, or what is left of it. I watched out of the car window holding Sommer’s hand as she wept. I tried to be strong for her but it did not last very long. We reached a place where we could get out of the car and walk around, but there was an unsettling feeling in the air. Trash was all over the ground still with the stench of mildew and wetness. Over in the far corner of the house I was an envelope that looked as if it was hanging on for dear life through the monster they called Katrina. We were not supposed to touch anything but there was something drawing me to this piece of debris. When I picked it up my name was barely readable on the front of it and my heart sank. I quickly put the envelope on my pocket and walked away. I have not read it yet because I am scared at what it might be. Maybe tomorrow.
30 August 2006
Chris’s mom called me. They have not seen him sense they left a year ago. I thought Chris left with them. He said they were going north for safety. I have not stopped crying sense I talked to his mom. She said they are hoping he will return soon but I cannot help but think that something bad has happened. I asked her why Chris was not with them when they left and she told me he said he had something important to do first but that he would see them soon. She asked me if I knew what he might have been doing and I told her I did not. I could not have been the important thing he was talking about. He brought that letter by but that was not important. The letter; I put it outside to blow away with the storm. That is the letter I found the first day we were back. Am I the reason Chris is missing?
30 August 2006
August 24 2005
Samantha,
I need to have a word. I've neglected you and I'm so sorry. You have done nothing but care about me ever since we've met, and it's time for me to begin acting like a man and start living up to my end of the bargain. You are the strongest person I know; even when I was such a terrible person to you, you continued to have faith in me and I love you so much for that. Now it's time for me to be there and have faith in you. You are such a blessing to everyone you come in contact with, me included, and anytime you need someone to lean on, I want you to know that from now on, you can count on me being there. You have changed my life for the better, and now it's my turn to do the same thing for you. I love you with all of my heart and if you are going to stay and endure this storm then I am going to be here as well. I want you to know that you are the only thing that matters to me at this point. I know you say you do not care but I know you better than that. We are going to get through this and I am going to give you the happily ever after you have always wanted.
Love, Chris
5 September 2006
Death. Darkness. Guilt. Sorrow. Chris is dead and it is my fault. If I would have just read the letter I would have known he was still there while we were fleeing the storm. His parents will never look at me the same again, and I cannot blame them. They just buried their 19 year old son because he chose to love me.